Hey kids, there’s a new law in Connecticut. It’s called the “Move Over” law and it was passed because, apparently, there are so many self-absorbed drivers on the road that the state has to start fining people to get them to pull their heads out of their you-know-whats.

In case you don’t know, the “Move Over” law says motorists must slow down when approaching a stopped emergency vehicle that is displaying flashing lights and, when possible, should move over one lane to give said emergency vehicle room to do their emergency business. Seriously…we need a law so people will pay attention to emergency vehicles with flashing lights? Perhaps if people weren’t so busy doing everything BUT driving when they get behind the steering wheel our state lawmakers could spend their time passing more important legislation.

Well okay maybe not.

But really. It is amazing to see the extent of oblivion to the world around us that so many drivers exhibit today. Take directional signals. I use them when I TURN and also when I CHANGE LANES. And I even use them in parking lots…imagine that! I use them because it’s the law but mainly because I am not a mind reader and I’m fairly sure most other drivers aren’t, either. The attitude appears to prevail that many drivers perceive themselves to be THE ONLY PERSON ON THE ROAD: hey I know that I am turning a corner or changing lanes so why do you need to know? Right. Signaling would actually indicate that you are acknowledging another driver’s existence and that is not something one needs to be concerned with when one is the center of the universe.

Yes; using the directional signals on your vehicle is acknowledging the existence of another human being besides yourself. Get out! Courtesy and respect for other people…who has time for that? I am far too busy talking on my cell phone, yelling at my kids or eating my lunch; how can I possibly be expected to notice YOU.

And don’t expect me to come to a full stop at that stop sign either, buddy. That’s YOUR responsibility.

I have my own version of the ‘Move Over” law that I’d like to bring to Hartford. It would have an expletive in it, as in “Move the $@&* Over”. The law would apply to drivers who insist on commandeering the left lane (also known as the PASSING lane) when there is ample opportunity for that driver to “Move the $@&* Over” to the center or right lane. This phenomenon is especially irritating when it occurs on a two lane road, where it inevitably clogs up traffic for miles, ultimately forcing vehicles to pass on the right, and in doing so, often coming dangerously close to those cute little chubby groundhogs that for some odd reason enjoy eating while sitting bolt upright, inches from the cars zooming past them. Now, it may be the Yankees birthright to get to the playoffs every year but it’s NOBODY’S birthright to plant yourself in the left lane and piss off other motorists who are trying to pass you. You either don’t have a rear view mirror in your jalopy or you don’t know what it’s used for other than, perhaps, applying mascara or combing your mustache.

Just where are people learning how to drive and who is teaching them?

Are courses taught in common sense or should that be legislated, too? I’m sorry sir/madam you have no common sense. That will be $150. Might just keep the stupid people off the roads. Hartford…are you listening?

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